Hey, Lucy- NaLu
by fairytailheart
Summary: With years of a shattered soul and a mind even more so, she is the only thing he can recall, the only thing that calms his hellish world. She is why he can't stay in that one place for too long. It was his fault, after all.


"Hey, Lucy..."

The old voice croaked out into the crisp autumn air, reaching the ears of no one but the thin black cat hiding away beside a crooked tree. It faded away with the breeze as if it was never there, as if the words never escaped the cracked lips of the aged man with faded, sakura pink hair speckled with white.

Those lips pulled into a sad smile. It was a smile that didn't reach his dark, lost eyes that were pools of tragic stories and painful memories.

"I... I brought these for you." The man said wearily. Wrinkled and calloused hands reached forward and placed a dozen roses, wrapped in clear plastic, on the grave stone he knelt in front of. "It's been a while since I gave you flowers." The flowers were a bright spot of red in the gloomy graveyard, like a single star in the night sky, like light at the end of a horrific tunnel.

To Natsu, they were just like _her._ They were just like Lucy.

He felt his aching bones crick and crack as he managed to plop himself down on the dying grass. Groans crawled up and out of his throat. He couldn't move like he used to after all, so things that used to be so simple were becoming harder and harder as he aged.

"It's been almost 50 years, Lucy, did you know that?" He spoke quietly. His eyes wandered over the cracked and weathered stone. The writing was barely distinguishable now despite the care given to it by Natsu himself. "So I'm told..."

He often compared the stone to himself. Once strong and standing proud and young and beautiful. But after many years and storms, just like himself the stone faded and weakened and no longer stood with honour. In all honesty, it was pathetic looking and disregarded by the people who passed by.

The only difference there was that the old dragon slayer really was pathetic, eroding away into nothing. The stone was different there, no matter what it looked like.

A chilly breeze danced through the yard and ruffled his torn and yellowed muffler. It brushed his shoulders as it had his entire life. "It's crazy... that man, uh, Gray? He told me today that you died that long ago, when I asked about the blonde girl I pictured in my head. He says that he has told me hundreds of times before but I don't remember. But how could he have told me before? I don't think I've known him very long... but everybody says I have."

For a moment, it was like he wasn't even aware of his own mind.

"He..." His gravelly voice faltered and a lump formed in his throat. He suddenly felt like the air flowing to his old lungs was cut, like a boulder was pressing into his chest as he recalled what the tired ice mage had told him before he left. "He told me how you died, too..."

A burning sensation formed in his eyes and Natsu had to tilt his head back to keep the tears from falling. He wouldn't cry, not here, not when he knew Lucy's heart would break at the sight.

Although, it wasn't like she had a heart to break.

As if swallowing him whole, silence took over the graveyard. The cat still didn't move, the wind had died down, and there was no other human being around to speak.

Gray's words echoed over and over again in his pathetic mind, bringing forth the thought of nightmares he had repeatedly and never realized had formed from a real experience in his past.

The tears ended up falling, though just a few, anyway. But he held a smile that crinkled his face. "Lucy... I remember your name. I remembered your name today, isn't that great?" He said softly. "I... I didn't have to ask, or look at your headstone..."

That was the thing about Natsu. At 72 years old, he was an absolute mess, weak and pathetic and a dying spirit in a crippling body.

There was one thing that never ceased to escape him, and that was a beautiful blonde girl with honey brown eyes and a smile that could light up his entire world. Not once did he forget about her burrial place or where it was. But he did occasionally forget her name, always forgot how and when she died, and never once could recall what she was like.

He loved her nonetheless though. That he was sure about. Those feelings, the ones that he knew he never got to tell her, were always there whether he remembered her or not. She was always just there, a beautiful fog in his mind that was the only thing that kept him calm.

For what felt like hours the old man simply sat there, staring at her headstone and the roses that lay perfectly on the top. His messed up mind was filled with blurry images of her and what she must have looked like all those years ago. What she must have been like before...

Natsu suddenly realized that he couldn't stay there any longer. The more his thoughts wandered, the heavier his chest felt and the harder it got to breath. With an exasperated groan he managed to push himself back up to his feet, using his scarf to wipe at his sunken, tired eyes. He had to leave, get away from the gloomy place.

After all, it was his fault.

 _Smoke was rising and buildings were burning all around. Bodies were scattered all over the place, most of them bloodied and bruised beyond recognition. There was nothing but the sounds of crackling fires, and a body with dark hair and torn black cloak that stood out amongst them all._

 _Sobs broke through the quiet and came from a young man with sakura hair matted with soot and blood. His clothing was ripped to the point he might as well have been wearing nothing. His skin was cut and burnt and bruised, blood and dirt caked all over it and his body shook._

 _In his arms, he held the woman who had followed him on his journey without him knowing, the woman he secretly loved, the woman whose heart was no longer beating._

 _"L-Lucy..." Natsu cried, clutching her to his chest. Her blood poured between his fingers from the giant wound marring her stomach. "Guhh... Lucy wake up.. c-come on..."_

 _The salty tears couldn't wash away the filth on his cheeks no matter how hard or how numerous they fell. He rocked her body back and forth as if the motion would somehow heal her, as if the fatal slice in her stomach would vanish and he could see her deep brown eyes again, as if it would make her heart beat again._

 _His head lowered into the space between her chest and her neck, wetting her skin as he sobbed grossly. The warmth of her blood continued to slip through his fingers unrelenting and made his heart pound like a metal drum against the inside of his chest._

 _"Lucy... come back... You c-can't..." He sobbed, continuing to rock her in his lap. "God... oh god oh god... I'm so sorry Luce... dammit you c-cant die on me..."_

 _There was no reply from Lucy. Her keys lay damaged among the rubble, now without a mage to weild them. Her spirits... they had fought hard along side her depsite his displeasure, despite the many times he screamed at her to go back._

 _"I would never leave you to fight alone... not in this battle." She had told him with a sweet smile on her face that made his heart flutter like always. "Our adventure will go on after this Natsu, I promise. After all... it's always more fun when we're together, right?"_

 _That was enough to convince him to let her stay, to fight by his side to defeat the black wizard. She had kissed his cheek then, after they devised a plan and moved. It was only the two of them as neither had said a word to their guildmates. Though they had both been expecting them to show up at any time._

 _They were a part of Fairy Tail after all._

 _He had watched it happen and he knew he would never be able to forget the numbing pain that moved throughout his entire body. The image was branded, burned by imaginary metal, into his mind._

 _"Lucy... Lucy... Lucy..." He chanted beneath his breath. He couldn't think about the sparks and flames surrounding him. He couldn't awknowledge the figures running towards him. The ringing in his ears blocked out the sound of his name being called out by familar, frantic voices._

 _How was hs supposed to explain this to the others, explain that it was his fault? How was he supposed to face them the same way ever again knowing that he was responsible for the loss of their beloved friend?_

 _It was then, as he cradled Lucy's dead body in his arms, that his mind started falling apart._

Gravel crackled beneath his shoes as he walked, pushing open the rusted old gate as if it was a tiny leaf on a chair. It was a warm day and the sun was shining proudly in the sky and casting a brilliant glow over the usually gloomy graveyard.

Just like last time he had a bouquet of roses clutched in his hands, but this time he was dressed in the nicest clothes he could find. He pushed himself to keep walking after the walk there. His bones rebeled against him and ached like hell and he could almost imagine them eroding away inside his body.

His destination came into view and he let his lips pull into a hesitant smile. It looked the same as it did the last time he had come, the last time he had spoken to her.

"Hey, Lucy." He spoke as he stopped in front of the head stone, his heart leaping when he realized he had recalled her name. It always excited him when he did. Although, he didn't know how much longer his heart could handle his bouts of exictement. "I remembered your birthday."

When he had awoken that morning and looked at the date, something clicked in his mind. The day and the month seemed to suddenly stand out among the rest though for the past years it had just been a normal day. When he had asked himself why it was suddenly pulsing in neon colours in his minds eye, an imagine of the blonde headed girl appeared as well, holding a cupcake with a candle in it and smiling wider than he thought possible.

"It's her birthday..." He had whispered to himself. He had hesitated to get out of his cozy bed, suddenly unwilling to go on with the day. It was a feeling he was used to.

Existence was something he wished his body would just let go of.

With cracking bones Natsu lowered himself onto his knees. He groaned. He sat back on his heels and like usual, tried to read the writing carved into the stone.

And as usual, he had no luck with it. The stone was too worn from it's time standing there uncared for.

He stared at it for the longest time, his dark and tired eyes trailing over it repeatedly like it always did.

"So... I was talking to that guy, Greg? Yeah, he stopped by to check on me beause he's been doing that or years now apparantly, and he had a woman with him. Elsa, I think her name was... They wouldn't stop complaining about how they were too old to be walking over and I had to tell them they didn't have to. I hardly know them anyway but they insisted."

Reaching out his arm Natsu brushed the leaves off the top of the stone. He could basically feel the grass staining his pants, but did he care? Of course not.

"So... I think I told them where I was going. I think I had to explain to them that it was your birthday and that I had to come see you. And then Elsa said that I should, that it would bring me 'closure' to visit on your birthday for the first time in many decades."

He couldn't quite recall how the conversation went with the old woman. Whatever he was relaying to the stone now was the only things that still managed to stay in his mind and not slip away.

His heart suddenly fell. "They... told me about you. They told me how you died, that you were killed because you followed m-" He paused, and what happened next... wasn't his most pleasent experience.

His eyes went wide and his temples started pounded suddenly as images began flooding and crashing into his head. Images of fire and blood, images of a black haired man surrounded by a dark aura. He could see himself, still young and healthy and strong, with a bruised face and flames dancing up his arms. He seen himself throwing every hit he could at the man, see the horror and destruction their battle caused in whatever city they were in. He could practically feel the heat of his flames an hear the screams of innocent bystanders trying to escape. His heart racing, sweat dripping down every crevice of his muscled body. He could feel it all.

Then he saw her, the beautiful blonde appearing out of nowhere and beginning to fight along side of him. She held golden keys in her hand that summoned other figures out of thin air. Just like him her skin was caked with blood and bruises and soot but she didn't look like she was planning on backing down.

Suddenly, he saw him deliver a particularily hard punch to the dark haired men that sent him flying into a burning building. The already damaged house broke apart, sending bricks and wood and metal flying in all direction. He watched in horror as a metal fragment zipped towards her and he felt her name rising in his throat as it hit her, slicing deeply into her stomach and forcing her back onto the ground. His eyes burned when she didn't move after that, and the terror and aching in his chest and stomach was all too familiar.

The bandage on his arm was ripped off in seconds and that was the last he seen...

The horror film of his memories faded just as quickly as they came, and the old dragon slayer fell forward onto his hands. His calloused fingers clutched at the grass as he squeezed his eyes closed. He was desperate to keep the tears from falling, desperate to keep from crying. But he was weak, he was pathetic, and the tears fell anyway.

"Oh my god Lucy..." He croaked, bones rattling with a sob. "It's my fault... It's all my fault that you're dead!"

Shouting hurt his throat, but Natsu didn't care. In this moment, he didn't care how old he was, or that he defeated the black wizard somehow, or how his mind was lost years ago. He didn't care about any of that.

"It's my fault you were killed..." He sniffled. "I-I killed you Lucy... If I hadn't told you where I was going, you wouldn't have f-followed me."

As the realization that it was his fault dawned on him more and more, his tears fell harder and harder. They slipped down his wrinkled cheeks and neck, fell off his scruffy chin and onto the dry grass between his hands. He felt his stomach twisting into a thousands knots, his heart being painfully squeezed by some metaphorical hand. He felt weight on his chest, his shoulders and in his head.

"It's all my fault... everything... If I hadn't agreed to letting you stay you would still be here. You would have survived if I h-had sent you back home." He cried, body trembling. "And if I hadn't punched the black wizard i-into that building the metal wouldn't h-have... wouldn't have..."

He couldn't finish. The guilt was suffocating him, crawling up and tightening around his throat to cut off the air to his old lungs. The longing swirled in his gut to the point his genuinely thought he was going to vomit then and there.

He hated himself.

"It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault..." He spoke repeatedly, gripping the grass in between his fingers. His temples and his jaw ached.

He was like that for the longest time.

"I wish I could m-make things up to you Lucy..." He was able to say after his tears stopped pouring and his stomach stopped churning so much. "I wish I could bring y-you back... I love you,ya know that Lucy? I... I don't think I e-ever got to tell you..."

It was like some of the weight on his chest was lifted then, when he finally said the words out loud. He was finally able to admit it, to tell her how he felt for the longest time. It was proof that he really had been holding back how he felt for 50 years. But it was not what he knew wanted... He wanted to say it to her face, wanted to have her smile and hug him so tight he would find it hard to breath, and he wanted to have her kiss him and say she loved him back.

He never wanted to say it to her grave 50 years later.

Natsu, in that moment, wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms and feel her heart beat and hear her breathing. He wanted to see her eyes again, which were a little piece of heaven all on their own, just on more time. Just once more he wanted to see her smile and laugh. Just once more he wanted to hold her hand and drag her out on an adventure. Just once more he wanted to hear her say his name and just see her bright and alive.

He loved her, that was the only thing he knew, but there was no way he could show her.

Finally, the old man sat back on his heels and grabbed hold of the bouquet of flowers that he had dropped at his side. "All... I have are these roses. You like roses, right Lucy? It's... It's all I have to give." He smiled sadly. "And they can't help me make ammends..."

When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurry and everything was different. Everything.

He was no longer knelt on the grass in a dreary graveyard, but instead was sitting comfortably on a couch with a weight pressing into his shoulder. The room around him was no place he had seen before, white walls covered in blurry picture frames and furniture that was dark and modern. The floor was hardwood. The air was filled with a scent that rang a teeny tiny bell in his brain and calmed him. He didn't recognize anything, but it was some how comfortable, familiar.

The next thing the dragon slayer noticed was his body. It didn't hurt. He looked at his hands that were no longer wrinkled and shaking. He felt his arms that were no longer boney. He placed his hands on his stomach and felt the firm, toned abs underneath his shirt. He felt his face, smooth and warm skin, and ran his fingers through thick pink locks.

Natsu stared ahead of him, at a picture with blurred faces, and took a deep breath. His chest didn't ache and he relished in the feeling of being able to breath clearly.

He was young again.

For some odd reason, it didn't shock him. He didn't stand up to look at himself in a mirror in a frenzy, nor did he feel like frantically feeling himself up and down. He didn't panic at all. He just felt normal, like he wasn't actually a little old man with a broken mind and body. He felt like this was reality.

He felt movement on his shoulder and something warm tickling the skin on his neck in quick little puffs. He turned his head and looked down.

There she was, with her glimmering golden hair cascading down her shoulders. There she was, with glowing skin and rosy cheeks and petal soft lips. There she was, snuggled against his shoulder, quietly snoring and covering in a light, pink blanket.

There she was, sleeping and breathing and oh so alive.

He looked at the steady rise and fall of her chest, at the natural flush to her cheeks, at the long eyelashes that brushed her cheek bones. He honestly didn't know why he wasn't freaking out. It was as if her death and his aging and everything else had never happened, like it was all just a dream.

He watched her hands twitch and remove themselves from under the blanket to rest against his hip and his leg. His lips twitched up into a smile, his one hand automatically reaching up to lace his fingers through hers.

He couldn't ask for anything more, anything better, than what he had in that dreamy moment. He was stuck in heaven with the very centre of it leaning on his shoulder, asleep. He was at peace. He was comfortable, his chest warm with an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time.

Happiness.

Natsu sat there in the silence. He breathed in her scent and listened to her breath, all the while gently playing with the fingers of her left hand and the delicate diamond encrusted ring on one of them.

When he opened his eyes again, he was old and back where he left off; kneeling in front of her grave in the dismal graveyard with a scraggly black cat beside a tree.

Despite his broken mind it didn't take long for the old dragon slayer to realize he had simply been having a very vivid, and terrifyingly so, day dream.

It felt so sickeningly real that he almost broke down into tears again. But to stop himself, he remembered the warmth that he felt during that blurry scene in his head.

In phantom, it came back and stayed there.

"I never wanted us to end Lucy." He said quietly. "Our adventure wasn't supposed to end there. It wasn't supposed to turn out this way."

A gentle breeze danced through his whisps of faded sakura hair, as if it was her herself responding to him in a gentle exhale. "Now that its over, well, it was over a long time ago but... I don't think I ever realized how much I just wanted to hold you until you were gone."

Tiny memories in his heart came flooding back, not in pictures but in feelings. He recalled the longing, the adoration, the desire and protectiveness the younger, reckless version of himself had for her.

"I really... I really should have told you how I felt... I didn't tell you, did I?.. Maybe then you would have understood why I didn't want you coming after me." He heaved a sigh and tried to catch his breath. He didn't often talk so much at a time now, especially after and during a crying fit where his very bone would shake. "Maybe I could have saved you that way."

The breeze picked up again, a little stronger this time around. The roses were now placed on the top of her grave like that last time he visited.

"I can just imagine us together Lucy." He said, and his withered cheeks finally rounded with a smile. "It's hard to imagine things... I don't know what you're like. Maybe you are a really mean person but I don't think I would still have these feelings if you... but I can somehow picture us being old like I am now, and happy together."

"I wish I could have married you, Lucy. I wish I could see you smile one more time, and hear you laugh again because I have this feeling that you had the most beautiful laugh. I wish I could have done so many things with you while we were still young and even as we grew older. Do I sound creepy, saying this? I hope I don't... I wouldn't want you to think of me in that way..."

The scraggly black cat meowed and scratched at the bark of the tree. The clawing sounds were hollow.

"I..." A lump quickly formed in Natsu's throat, a lump that he didn't try to swallow down. He deserved the annoying ache. "I will never forgive myself... I don't care about what Elsa said about closure, or what Greg said about visiting you on your birthday... I am responsible for the loss of such a beautiful young life, the life of the woman I loved. Nothing will change that... I can't go back 50 years and change everything. I don't care about the man I defeated or even if I was the one meant to... that doesn't matter to me. Nothing can change what I did, nothing can turn back time..."

He was crying again, his warm tears moving along with the wrinkles on his face.

He was telling the truth.

The doors of the hell he had been living in the past 50 years were still wide open. The guilt that had only just surfaced in his gut at full force was solid, unmelting in the heat of his feelings.

He would die in a bed of remorse, and he knew that would be soon.

"You're the only thing that calms my heart... When I picture you, such a beautiful woman with golden hair and a name that somehow reminds me of the stars, everything seems right in the world..."

The memory of her was the beacon of light in the dark tunnel inhabited only by him, guiding him... somewhere.

Natsu knew he had to leave the graveyard before his chest got too heavy to carry around. With a full-body ache he rose from his knees and brushed the blades of grass from his dress pants, fixing the jacket on his shoulder and the crookedly buttoned shirt beneath.

"Happy birthday, Lucy." He whispered under his breath, before hobbling out of the graveyard.

The roses, a bright red birthday gift, stood out in the yard like she did in his crippled mind.

His body seemed to go on it's own path, leading him to a quiet little cottage on the outskirts of the city whose name he never knew. There was an old wooden sign hanging from a metal post, but the words, like on old headstone's, were worn and incomprehensible.

As if his muscles had memories he walked straight up to the door and pushed it open, only to be greet but two unfamiliar faces of another old man and an old woman.

There were strangers in the house that could only be his, and he immediately panicked.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" He shouted, flailing a fist and frantically walking towards the strange people. They didn't move a muscle, didn't looked frightened nor angry, just down right old and tired. Not a single squirm. "What are you doing in my house?!"

"Natsu, calm down." the man said, walking towards the aged slayer with his hand outstretched. "We're your friends, Gray and Erza. We've been with you for years. "

"I don't know a Gray and Erza!" Natsu yelled. He backdc away from the stranger with the dark icy eyes. He backed up into his door, his fingers wrapping around an umbrella leaning against the corner. "Get out or I'll hurt you! Get out my house!"

His pupils were constricted, small, and his eyes were wide and burning with fire. He held up the umbrella, though with struggle in his weakened arms. He held it towards the strange man who called himself Gray, threatening him.

Gray didn't even flinch, and opened his mouth to speak, but the woman with tired eyes and a withered face like his own stepped forward.

"Natsu, we explain this to you everyday okay? I'm Erza. I taught you how to read and write back when we were little. And Gray here has been your so called 'rival' and team mate for over 50 years too. We are all wizards in the Fairy Tail guild. It's where we grew up together."

Somehow, her slightly strained voice was somewhat soothing, though her words were absolute jibberish to him. He had known them since they were children, and they were all part of some place called Fairy Tail?

It was nonsense. He didn't have any friends.

"We were here with you this morning." Gray spoke up, running his fingers over his head. "We are with you every morning to explain things. Today we told you about Lucy-"

"How do you know Lucy?" Natsu's eyes flashed as he growled through his teeth. His arms shook at the weight of his so called weapon. But the brown eyed girl appeared in his mind's eye, pretty and peaceful, and calmed his racing heart just enough to lower the umbrella. "You don't know who Lucy is... Only I know Lucy..."

"She was our friend too, Natsu." Erza said, shuffling forward. "We told you this morning that it was her brithday, and the anniversary of her death."

And for the second time that day, Natsu fell to his knees in tears.

He was surrounded by golden hills kissed by brilliant blue skies and dancing with a warm breeze. It was bright with sunlight, but he couldn't exactly locate the source in the sky above his head.

Not that that was the more important thing on his mind as his fingers ran through the golden blades beneath him. Who knew grass could be so soft, or shine so much.

It reminded him of Lucy and her own beautiful locks.

Although he could see, breath, feel and hear, everything felt different. Not just his body this time, which was back to lean and muscular and his hair thick and pink once more. It wasnt the fact that he was young again that felt different. It was the whole atmosphere around him.

He could barely remember his last memory of laying in an old bed with two strangers at his side as his mind drove itself mad.

That's right. In his last few memories, thoughtblurry, he realized...

"Finally..." He let himself smile in relief as he stood to his feet. There was no dull ache or hollow cracks. He felt toned and strong muscles move beneath his sun kissed skin. he didn't feel any wrinkles or sagging skin and his lungs took in air as easy as the wind blew.

Here, surrounded by golden plains, his mind was calm. He had his memories though he didn't bother opening the doors to them just yet. He felt so much better than he did before he awoke here. He was overwhelemed with relief, and relished in it as he wandered.

He had one goal, one thing to find, and he found it sitting atop a hill with her back facing him.

He climbed up towards her, eyeing the young figure and the long hair and the very aura that surrounded her. It was like his heart was already up there with her and was just waiting impatiently for him to catch up, pulling at him by a rope.

His scarf blew in the breeze.

Brown eyes suddenly met his as she turned. He needn't say a word, she just seemed to know that he was there.

"Natsu..."

To hear her voice say his name after such a long thing was better than anything else he could have experienced. It was better than finding an oasis of fresh water after wasting away in a desert. It was better than reaching safety after years of fleeing from a threat. Over all, it was better than life itself. There was nothing that could have convinced him other wise.

As she turned her body to face him completely, his eyes searched hers. He searched for signs of anger, of sadness, of hatred towards him. He searched for a sign that she didn't want him there, a sign that she didn't want to see him again even after all those years. He searched for something that would tell him to turn around and never look back, something that would tell him that ther adventure really was over for good.

But he saw nothing. Nothing but surprise, happiness, and love.

"Natsu... You're here..." her voice was so gentle but her eyebrows were raised in surprise. It was as if she wasn't expecting him so soon. It wouldn't surprise him if that was the case. But he didn't care. All he cared about was the forgiveness, the love, the lack of hatred in the air between them. "H-Hi..."

In that moment he continued his trek up the hill towards her, a smile that reached his eyes on his lips as he finally stood in front of her and took her hand in his.

"Hey, Lucy."


End file.
